Museum Of Things I Would Not Want To Be Eaten By
Anaconda
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- Length: Up to 30 feet (9 meters)
- Weight: Up to 550 pounds (250 kg)
- Lifespan: 10-12 years in the wild, up to 30 years in captivity
- Habitat: Swamps, marshes, and slow-moving streams
- Diet: Carnivorous
- Hunting Method: Constriction (kills prey by squeezing)
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To be eaten by an Anaconda is like being swallowed whole and suffocating inside a living tube of muscle. Who would want that? To feel all slimey and cramped like they showed in the 1997 film Anaconda. Luckily, it seems rather rare you'd be eaten by one of these. Just don't go on a trip to the Amazon with Jon Voight.
Bear
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- Length: 5 to 10 feet (1.5 to 3 meters)
- Weight: 200-1,500 pounds (90-680 kg), depending on subspecies
- Lifespan: 20-30 years in the wild, up to 40 years in captivity
- Habitat: Forests, mountains, tundra
- Diet: Omnivorous
- Hunting Method: Ambush, strikes, bites, or chase
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A bear eating you seems like a violent affair. Their crushing weight and aggression gives you little chance of stopping them from going for your liver. I've heard they like to go for the organs first where you may still be alive to feel bite. It's not a fun time, although bear cubs can look pretty adorable.
Hatzegopteryx
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- Wingspan: Estimated 33-39 feet (10-12 meters)
- Weight: Estimated 500-600 pounds (227-272 kg)
- Lifespan: Uncertain
- Habitat: Island environments
- Diet: Carnivorous
- Hunting Method: Uncertain, but potentially using its large beak to catch and kill prey
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Although it's unlikely a human will encounter a Hertzegopteryx, it's still a terrifying thought. The Hetzgoptetzx is a macropredator, being giant in size to even humans. No question, the Htzcvzsdf would be a terrifying creature to be eaten by. Maybe it's a good thing they're extinct.
Grey Goo
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- Size: Individually - Microscopic, Altogether - Potentially Infinite
- Weight: Hypothetical (depends on the material)
- Lifespan: Indefinite
- Habitat: Could exist anywhere with sufficient resources
- Diet: Self-replicating nanobots would consume any available material (organic or inorganic matter) to create more nanobots
- Hunting Method: Converts matter into more nanobots through contact and assimilation
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When John von Neumann thought about nanobots and self-replicating machines, it was rather fun to hypothesize a situation where the nanobots go out of control in their pursuit of total assimilation. There are worse ways to go than to become one with the Grey Goo, but overall the thought of being eaten by a swarm of tiny nanobots isn't enticing.
Black Hole
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- Size: Varies; Stellar black hole - event horizon as small as a few km; Supermassive black holes - event horizon can be millions of km wide.
- Mass: Stellar black holes - between 3-100 solar masses; Supermassive black holes - millions to billions of solar masses.
- Lifespan: Theoretically near-infinite (potential evaporation via Hawking radiation over an incredibly long period of time)
- Habitat: Space itself
- Diet: Anything unfortunate enough to cross the event horizon
- Hunting Method: Gravitational pull
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Black holes are very picky eaters. Specifically, they insist all their meals are some form of spaghetti and will go out of their way to do so. Unless you're interested in seeing how long your mass can be stretched out while still being conscious, I'd advise avoiding being near these things.